A conversation between people cannot occur without a response.Īctive listening requires careful responses which are made possible with comprehending and retaining.Īn active response should show that we understand what the other person has said, have paid attention to their words and also read their non-verbal cues. Distractions, either internal or external (such as fatigue or a noisy environment.)Ĭonversations are active, not passive.Cognitive biases and selective listening (we will look at this in more detail later.).There are a number of potential barriers to retention, including: And we fool ourselves into thinking that we’ve done the work: that we not only know what the other person will say but that we’ve thought about it before. It’s as if we think we already know what the other person is going to say. When actively listening, we focus on the other person’s words, rather than thinking about what we can say next. It is common for us to only retain details which are relevant for our response. Some people recall very specific details, while others hold on to the general idea. Not everyone will retain the same details. To respond in an appropriate manner, we must understand and retain what the other person has said. Removing jargon and explaining things in your own language results in massively improved comprehension of complex topics. In Eyes Wide Open, Isaac Lidsky recommends simplifying comprehension by asking ‘can you explain that like I’m five years old?.’ This is the same technique we use to rapidly improve learning. Difference in culture, age, social rank and other discrepancies between people.However, a number of potential barriers can prevent comprehension, including: In most cases, comprehension occurs instantly and unconsciously. To communicate, we must first understand what the other person (or people) are actually saying. Listening is difficult because it involves suppressing your ego long enough to consider what is being said before you respond. However, it can occur in communication between multiple people and in groups. This listening is that which will facilitate the patient’s telling of his tale, the telling that can set him free.įor the sake of clarity, we will refer to active listening in the context of two people conversing throughout this article. I do not mean that he can simply hear the other, but that he will listen actively and purposefully, responding with the instrument of his trade that is, with the personal vulnerability of his own trembling self. The therapist can interpret, advise, provide the emotional acceptance and support that nurtures personal growth, and above all, he can listen. A family or couple therapist will help to resolve a conflict by facilitating calm communication through reflection, open body language, and by helping couples understand one another. A one-to-one therapist will listen with intent, clarify any uncertain points, often paraphrase what is said and ask the speaker to expand. Anyone who has ever seen a good therapist will be familiar with the efficacy of active listening. We all realize that the ability to read requires training…the same would appear to be true of speaking and listening … training is required … Likewise, skill in listening is either a native gift or it must be acquired by training.Īctive listening is a technique for developing our ability to listen.Īs a communication technique, it is used in many professional settings but is also valuable for everyday life. Adler writes in How to Speak, How to Listen: And yet most of us haven’t thought about how we listen.Īs Mortimer J. Listening is one of the foundations of society – it is what enables us to form meaningful relationships and connections. Among other things, we need to comprehend what’s being said and why, reflect on intentions, and consider non-verbal communication. We assume that, as long as we can hear someone and understand their words that we are listening. There is a difference between hearing and listening. One of the main reasons this breakdown in communication occurs is that listening (like reading, thinking clearly and focusing) is a skill which we rarely consider to be something requiring knowledge and practice. Toddlers scream about it, teenagers move out, couples split up, companies breakdown. The sense that we are not being listened to is one of the most frustrating feelings imaginable. “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”
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